There is a sense of a belief in the present day society, that real boys and men do not or shouldn’t cry. A real man just cannot be weak – emotionally, physically, or mentally.
A real man has to be strong and decisive and just take things as they come. He should be the source of security. The Alpha Male.
It really doesn’t make sense at the level of humanity.
The truth that men are and will always be humans is really pervasive. It will be a truth for all men, irrespective of the lifestyle they have, the work they do, the habits they have, the emotions they feel and the personalities they have.
Men should be given the space to be emotionally open. At the core of the reality, boys and men are still humans.
If one really believes in connection and bonding, one should try to connect to the inevitable fact, that men do and might always have negativities. That men do feel like crying. That men do have social fears. That some men may lack the so called “manly” life-skills. That some men may not have a sense of dominance over others and they may not even want to be like that. That some men may be nervous in certain situations.
That some men want to be humans, have emotions and want to be free from the over-exaggerated “real man” theories.
What value does an emotional connection hold if you cannot even want to accept that all people have weaknesses? It is as if we have created a specific kind of categorical-lifestyle that a man should fit in, to be recognized as a very successful man.
If we are teaching boys to not “be like a girl” when they cry or show any weakness, what are we really teaching them about girls? We really need to re-think about our very own perceptions.
And if the society around us collectively believes that “a real man” should be independent, strong, courageous, witty, humorous, confident and never show any emotional vulnerablity; then are we really making enough sense propelling a specific set of manhood-perception in the society?
Your partner is not being “the man” in the relationship? Fine. Deal with the human in him if you still believe in the relationship. He surely can be really bad at handling himself or the relationship. Give it some time. Identify and understand his emotions. But please do not expect him to qualify for a specific man-image that has been set out there in the society.